Types of SHP Students: Part 2

By Max Berry ’17

The East Coast Transfer Student: Always wearing a Patriots sweatshirt, which is sometimes accompanied by a Patriots beanie and sweatpants. This choice of attire never changes, whether it be the middle of December or the middle of the summer. Has 4 generations at Yale/Harvard.

The Spirit Chair: Basically the four most popular students in each grade.

The Bandwagon Raiders Fan: If asked their favorite Raiders player of all time, they will answer “Amari Cooper” will no hesitation. Wears shiny new Amari Cooper jersey to school after Raiders win, but cannot be found wearing any black or white after a Raiders loss. Acts like they are extremely upset that Mark Davis is moving the team to Vegas, but in reality they didn’t even know who Al Davis was before this season.

Mr. Stanford: Every year, the senior class has at least one “Mr. Stanford”. This student can be found wearing head to toe Stanford gear, usually wearing an average of 3 items from the Stanford store each day. This student is also very aware of Stanford’s status as an elite university, and will be able to recite the average accepted GPA, ACT/SAT scores, and acceptance rate on a moment’s notice.

Foreign Language Extraordinaire: This student may have a 4.25 or a 3.0 GPA, but they have a 99 in Foreign Language and they want everybody to know it. Answers 75% of all questions asked in class, but has their hand raised for every single one. If the teacher asks for a 2 minute recording on your family tree, they will submit a 10 minute history of how their ancestors came to the United States.

Junior who thinks that they are a Senior: Likely in multiple classes with seniors and/or play varsity sports. Have spent at least a half hour on Senior Patio during a free period. This junior talks down to underclassmen and sometime their fellow juniors, and would rather spend time with senior friends than those from their own class.

Permanent Second Semester Senior: This individual decided where they wanted to go to college by the end of first semester Freshman year. They calculated the precise GPA and SAT/ACT scores that they would need to receive Spring Admission or be waitlisted at said school, and maintain these standards until senior year. By second semester senior year, they are literally doing no work. At this point, just showing up to school has become a chore.

The Wannabe Communist: This student owns an absurdly high number of red SHP hoodies. Refers to Joseph Stalin as “Uncle Joe” and constantly talks about life in the Gulag. Reuses the same communist jokes every day in class, and responds with “You try writing material every day of the week” if called out for it. This student’s interests include long distance running and film, however the mere mention of George Lucas’s prequels and/or Jar Jar Binks to them will unleash their inner demons.

Comments are closed.